She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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