I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
