DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
