need another drink. this is the easiest way
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
