I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
