Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
