Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
