it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
