I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
