I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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