just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
