somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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