we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
