you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
