...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
