I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
