come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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