why didn't you poke me back
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
