Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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