I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
