mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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