You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
