i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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