Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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