you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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