I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
