have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
