so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
