Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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