i think i have herpe
just one?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
