I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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