I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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