why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
