The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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