So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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