and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Still dying that you shit outside
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
