Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
