I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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