I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
