You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
