well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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