Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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