Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
