I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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