The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
