I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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