I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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