Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
