Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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