ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
