I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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