Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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