so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
