Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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