You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
