In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
