to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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