I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
