it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
