he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
