the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
