who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
