Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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