i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
