so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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