I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
