For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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