My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
