So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
