he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need water and some morals
Randomize
